According to a study published in the Journal of Psychology by the University of Scranton in January 2014, out of an estimated 45% of Americans that make New Year’s resolutions only 8% achieve them. It was documented that some of the top 10 New Year’s resolutions for 2014 included: Losing weight, getting organized, saving more money, enjoying life to the fullest, quitting smoking, falling in love, and spending more time with family. I don’t know about you, but I could definitely work a little harder on a few of these. To be honest, setting aside New Years and all the hype and hope for change, I can think of a handful of other ways I would like to change for the better. I am a goal-driven man who finds that I am more successful in life as I continually make SMART (Specific, Measureable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely) goals. And I am not alone. Self-improvement and personal change, or at least the desire for it, is a shared American hobby. But, numerous people, and their innumerable nose-dive attempts at change, could see ALL the difference by taking a closer look at two scientific concepts about strength of will.
When it comes to starting one thing, quitting another, becoming more, behaving differently, resisting the undesired, saying “no”, or committing to “yes,” where is the much needed willpower to get me down the final stretch? How can I harness more self-control—my ability to control my emotions, behaviors, and desires, in the face of external demands, impulses, and temptation? I want to shed light on two concepts, that if personally examined thoroughly, could successfully mold you into a version of yourself the future has always craved.
1) Know how you lose self-control. I believe the best way to improve self-control is to start by understanding how and why you lose self-control. Kelly McGoginal, Ph.D. a professor at Stanford University and author of the book The Willpower Instinct stated that “knowing how you are likely to give in doesn’t, as many people fear, set yourself up for failure. It allows you to support yourself, avoid traps, expose yourself to less temptation, and predict when and where you might give in. Self-knowledge, especially of how you find yourself in willpower trouble—is the foundation of self-control.” Take a minute and think about how you give in. Read the following list of common mental errors and identify if they contribute to your unsuccessful attempts to change. Acknowledge the impact they have, how they manifest in your life, and write them down to reference regularly.
A. Future fallacy. You look into the future with optimism that you will make different decisions tomorrow, but you fail to see the challenges of today. You indulge today, feeling confident in your future behavior.
B. Making progress. Having a little success can pacify the higher self, leaving you vulnerable to temporarily giving in to the immediate gratification.
C. Moral permission. When you do good or think about doing good, it leads you to give up or reward yourself like you earned it.
D. Innocence imposter. You take any hint of something being “good” as a justification to give in. You look for any reason to say “yes” to temptation.
E. Guilty conscience. Negative emotions, stress and guilt activate the brain’s reward system for relief—typically leading to impulsive behaviors to feel good.
F. Own worst enemy. Self-criticism leads to less motivation and worse self-control, driving you straight to comfort coping. Forgiveness, not guilt, increases accountability.
G. What-the-heck effect. Cycle of giving up, regret, and more giving in. Giving in makes you feel bad which leads to immediate relief and gratification.
H. False hope syndrome. The decision to change is the ultimate in instant gratification. You get all the good feelings before anything is done.
2) Harness three powers of self-control. When people want to change, I find that they first list off the things they will stop doing to help them achieve their goal. “I will stop eating late-night snacks, drinking alcohol, staying up so late, procrastinating my assignments, or over-spending my budget.” Learning to stop doing or saying “no” when it’s necessary is the power of “I won’t!” The other side of self-control is “I will!” power. As you want to remove a negative aspect of the behavior you are trying to change, think about the small strides you are willing to take and add those into your life. “I will” power is about putting on today’s list what you have been putting off for so long. It’s the ability to do what you need to do, even if part of you doesn’t want to. Finally, to complete this trifecta of willpower, you need to find your motivation when it matters. This is “I want!” power. The metaphorical “muscle” of willpower can be coaxed into persevering longer with the right inspiration--to remember what you really want. For renewed strength, tap into your “I want” power by asking yourself: How will you benefit from succeeding at this challenge?; What is the payoff?; Who else will benefit if you succeed at this challenge?; and How will your life be different? Willpower is about harnessing these three powers to help you achieve your goals.
As Dr. McGonigal puts it, “Our human nature includes both the self that wants immediate gratification, and the self with a higher purpose.” We are all born with the capacity for willpower, but some of us use it more than others. We are born to be tempted, and born to resist. At times we all feel scared, overwhelmed, stressed, inadequate or out of control, but innately built into you is the ability to find the strength to be calm, in charge of your choices, and to purposefully become.