Attachment: 

     -Focus on the relationship for their healthy human development.  Enjoy, nurture and support.

     -Let them “become” without trying to fix or mold them according to your life experience/desires

     -They are not your property and do not “belong” to you.

     -Make time for your kids.  Plan for ways to connect.  Develop interest in your kid's interests.

     -Play with your kids, schedule it if needed.  Attend their activities.  Be there.

     -Create opportunities to meet their friends, parents, teachers, coaches, Dr's.

Communication: 

     -Listen.  See their point of view.  Be interested.  Help them feel heard and understood.  

     -Stop the yelling.  You yell you lose power.    

     -Be clear.  Take time to explain.  Don't interrogate.

     -Be proactive in catching your kids being good: criticize vs compliment ratio.  Criticize the behavior, not the child.

     -Praise.  Be specific.  Involve tone, body lang, expression in your praise.  Gossip compliments about your kids to others.  

     -Teach children social skills: how to make eye contact, listen, and ask others questions.

Consequences: 

     -Natural consequences (direct cause/effect) are preferable to punishment.  Delayed punishment can be effective.  Create effective punishment based on importance to child

     -Don't rescue your kids from difficult situations or emotions. 

Discipline: 

     -With love.  Be consistent.  Follow through.  Set limits to develop self-control & expectations.

    -It's about learning and teaching.  Don't complicate discipline by making battles personal between you and the child.

     -Avoid power struggles.  Choose your battles.  Avoid threats you can't keep to maintain credibility.

Emotions:

     -Identify emotions and talk about them.  Listen and understand without judging.  Monitor aggression: some is appropriate, some is not.  Anger is typically a mask used to cover up deeper, more significant feelings.

     -Protect and comfort them when scared.  Emphasize kindness and sensitivity.

Independence:

     -Provide for independence.  It develops identity and helps them learn responsibility.  

     -Offer choices=less oppositional, lessen control issues.

     -Allow kids to participate in decision-making, avoid power struggles

Parenting:

     -Be flexible.  Respect parenting differences.  Support your spouse, become a team.

     -Kiss and hug spouse in front of kids

     -Hold family meetings

     -Avoid "shoulds."

Personal development: 

     -Discover how you learned to be a parent (rules, norms, beliefs from childhood, etc.)   Trust yourself.  Strong-willed kids learn through experience

     -Stay calm.  Take personal "time-outs."

     -Don't be controlling.

     -Teach by example.  Be a good role model.  Develop a sense of humor.

     -Recognize your abilities, strengths and weaknesses.  Know your own needs and limitations.  Learn to say no.  Admit when you're burned out.  Give yourself a break.

     -Admit when you are wrong or make mistakes

Set Limits:

     -House rules-create as a family and clearly communicate.  Avoid ultimatums.  Put rules in writing.  Be reasonable.  

     -Discuss a game plan for unsafe situations, talk about risks.  

Spirituality:

     -Foster spirituality and connection.  Lead by example, demonstrate faith and belief.  Seek help from higher power.  Teach children to rely on and connect with higher power.  

Rewards:

     -Be generous with rewards.  Look for opportunities to reward children.

Teach:

     -Teach values from a young age

     -Teach gratitude, how to volunteer, take interests in others, and to serve.

Unconditional love: -Love them despite their mistakes. Express often. Show it. Love equally- treat them uniquely. Make sure they know it. Offer Respect and empathy.