War in Heaven:
The war in heaven continues today, and Elder Melvin J. Ballard warned that when Father sent us into mortality, we were to be placed “in the presence of the enemy who was now the majority” (The New Era, Mar 1984.).
70 billion spirits have already passed through mortality, plus 5 billion on Earth, not counting those yet to be born= 75 billion spirits = 2/3’s of heaven= est. 37 billion are Satan’s followers w/o bodies.
A man traveling through the country came to a large city, very rich and splendid; he looked at it and said to his guide, “This must be a very righteous people, for I can only see but one little devil in this great city.” The guide replied, “You do not understand, sir. This city is so perfectly given up to wickedness…that it requires but one devil to keep them all in subjection.” Traveling on a little farther, he came to a rugged path and saw an old man trying to get up the hill side, surrounded by seven great, big, coarse-looking devils. “Why,” says the traveler, “this must be a tremendously wicked old man! See how many devils there are around him!” “This,” replied the guide, “is the only righteous man in the country; and there are seven of the biggest devils trying to turn him out of his path, and they all cannot do it” (Pres Smith, Journal of Discourses, vol 5).
Pres. George Albert Smith said, “The devil has the world so perfectly at his disposal that it requires few devils to keep it in subjection and that the whole legion of devils has nothing to do but look after the Mormons and stir up the hearts of the children of men to destroy them: (Ensign, Nov 1981).
The tempo of Satan’s campaign for the souls of men is being and will continue to be accelerated and there was never a time when the adversary has provided more enticements, more subtle temptations, and more false justifications for wrongdoing than now” (Elray L. Christiansen, The New Era, Sept 1975).
-“Now it came to pass that there were many of the rising generation that could not understand the words of king Benjamin, being little children at the time he spake unto his people; and they did not believe the tradition of their fathers…and now because of their unbelief they could not understand the word of God; and their hearts were hardened… and they were a separate people…and would not call upon the Lord their God” (Mos 26:1-4).
-The frightening account of children abandoning their parents’ beliefs and following paths of carnality and sin
Emotions: Coping vs. Escaping
In Conference a year ago, Sis Oscarson said she believes that the most difficult challenge our youth face today is “the ever-present influence of ‘the great and spacious building’ in their lives.” If you talk to any teenager today and ask him/her about life, school, extra-curriculars, church, future plans, etc., I promise you will hear things like: “it’s so hard to balance everything” “the pressure I’m under is overwhelming” “I feel like Satan is waiting to trip me up at every turn & if I even just try to relax or let my guard down a little, he catches me.” “It’s hard for me to know if I still have a testimony. There are so many strong opinions out there and I don’t feel as confident in my personal beliefs as everyone else seems in their opinions.” These are actual quotes from youth in our stake.
Just last week I saw teens in my office who are struggling with …
On the outside you see behaviors and attitudes, perhaps wrong choice after wrong choice. Underneath... painful, intense, emotions.
Coping vs Escaping for teens & Coping vs Escaping for parents
The Conscious Parent: Shefali Tsabary
A parenting strategy--about the parent, that focuses on becoming “a conscious parent.” I become aware of the intricate, interlocking facets of my life, my past, my childhood, my desires, my fears, my hurt, my impulses, my unmet needs, and the unconscious conditioning from my parents. To be a conscious parent requires me to learn to respond to reality in a conscious manner rather than from blind impulse or passive conditioning. The conscious approach is a living, breathing, organic, every-moment approach through which our children soak in our relationship, and the child is invited into the parent’s life to teach something only a child can.
In 2002, Elder Hammond gave a talk in General Conference: “Dad, are you awake?” When talking about parenting, I first encourage you to become awakened to a sense of who you are, what you really want, and what you really need to change.
What Am I Bringing to the Table?
Is this statement true or false: “I am a good parent because my kids make good choices.” (Flip it over.) If it’s true, then this statement must also be: “I am a bad parent b/c my children make bad choices.” One of the hardest lessons for us to learn as parents is that our children’s behavior is not always a reflection of us and our parenting. It only takes having 2 or 3 kids before we realize just how individual each child is & that we’re not quite the perfect parents we thought we were when we had 1 child. Which is a nice segue to the next point:
Acknowledge personal weakness without becoming completely discouraged. “Weakness Is NOT Sin” there’s an entire conference talk & a book about this topic. The Lord can make weak things strong unto us through his grace- and the first step is acknowledging our weakness.
i. Anxiety, negativism, being “high-strung”- things like this can affect our relationships on a daily basis
3. Nourish your own spirituality so that you can “call upon the powers of Heaven” at any moment
4. PERSONAL SANCTIFICATION:
Sanctification is the process of becoming pure and spotless before God through the power of the sanctifier, who is the Holy Ghost, through true and constant repentance and a love of that which is good.
Gaining the spiritual capacity to rescue a wayward child comes down to this: Sanctifying ourselves. When we ourselves are sanctified, we are in a better position to ask for and receive redeeming blessings for others.
As we pray for the Lord’s help to rescue our children, we might be surprised that He focuses His attention on us first. The Lord might use the child’s situation to sanctify us. If we will submit to the refiner’s fire, once we emerge from it, we will be in a much better position to help our children when they experience it.
“One Day when I was reading the scriptures, two visual images came into my mind. First, I imagined that I was holding a spotlight with the beam fixed on my son. Every time I prayed, fasted, studied the scriptures, attended the temple, etc., the beam grew more intense. Despite his ongoing attempts to seek the darkness, he could not escape the light that I was shining on him. Then I saw him under a magnifying glass that the Lord was holding. He was also under its light, although the glass was far away from him now. Nevertheless, I realized that the Lord was slowly moving the glass toward him, and in the process, the light was growing more and more concentrated. In time, the light would form a focused beam and become very intense. When that happened, the concentrated light—depending upon his choice—would either burn out all his impurities or burn him up. Clearly, someone skilled and someone who knew this boy very well needed to be in charge of the magnifying glass. I understood that I was not that person. If I were holding the magnifying glass, I might incinerate him due to my impatience; but gratefully, the Lord held the glass, and He knew how to focus the light through the lens to purify him. His intention was to save and not to destroy the child.”
He who is the most Christlike is in the best position to ask and to receive. Parents have an obligation to love each other and their children with a love that is worthy of the “welding link” that binds a family together when sealed in the temple, or to live worthy of that sealing when the opportunity comes. Thereafter, they are under obligation to sanctify themselves so that their “confidence shall wax strong in the presence of God” so that they might gain power to ask for blessings upon their children.
In accomplishing our mission, we do not have to create a plan of salvation; we simply need to increase our spiritual capacity to better participate in God’s plan, as He reveals it to us.
5. Bear a POWERFUL Testimony! Our personal testimony can inspire our kids to find their own testimonies, or as Joseph Smith said it: “Stir up their faith to Feel After God.” Don’t you love that imagery?! There are several reasons for bearing testimony. One is that when you declare the truth, it will bring an echo, a memory, even if it is an unconscious memory to the (child), that they have heard this truth before—and of course they have. The fact of the matter is (children) are not only hearing our testimony of Christ, but they are hearing echoes of other, earlier testimonies, including their own testimony of Him…We should bear frequent and powerful testimony of Christ as Savior, as Redeemer…because doing so invites…the divine power of testimony borne by God the Father and by the Holy Ghost, a testimony borne on wings of fire to the very hearts of (children) (3 Ne 11:35-36, 39).
And there are SO many scriptural examples of parents who inspired their children’s faith to “feel after God.”
i. 1 Ne. 10:17 after Lehi testified to Nephi about his vision of the Tree of Life, Nephi desired to know for himself
ii. Enos verses 3-4 “because of the words I often heard my father speak concerning eternal life & the joy of the saints (we’ll come back to that part), sunk deep into my heart. And my soul hungered.”
iii. Alma the Younger was unconscious & thought he was to be damned when he remembered his father’s prophecies about Christ the Redeemer & called out
iv. Or how about The Stripling Warriors’ famous words: “We do not doubt our mothers KNEW it.”
Love & Acceptance
Most parenting books, conference talks, or any other resource about building strong relationships emphasizes the need to first build a foundation of love, then focus on the desired behavior. If we’re not getting the behavior we want from our children, spouse, etc., it’s wise to go back to that first step: the foundation of love. I very strongly believe that we can do a lot less lecturing, shouting & punishing if we do a lot more loving & teaching. (coins in a jar--neg vs pos interaction w/child)
Seed of divinity within-- each child is born with the seeds of divinity within. We don’t create that in them by our parenting or even our great love. HF gave it to every single one of us. We can fan the flame of their faith and guide them along their journey, but it is not our job to choose their path.
We need to accept each child as his/her own person, their own completely individual spirit and allow them to discover their own talents, strengths, and desires. Love each child for who she is, separate from anyone else or from anything she does. Separate child from the behavior. Be sure they know that your love is not dependent on their good behavior, and don’t take one-on-one time or fun family time away as a punishment for poor behavior.
Allow Agency
Love & Logic parenting uses this catch-phrase “Allow your children to fail while the price tag is small.” it is a very wise concept. If we allow our kids to have lots of chances to choose & experience consequences (good or bad) while they’re young, they’ll be pros by the time they leave the house after high school!
D&C 101:4 tells us “all these things shall give thee experience & shall be for your good.” HF wants us to allow our kids to experience things for themselves- but we can avoid a lot of pain and heartache by learning as much as possible from other’s mistakes or learning for ourselves in our youth, when the price tag on messing up is small.
Parenting the Strong-Willed Child: Many rebellions are not a rejection of the message as much as they are a rejection to our approach.”
The goal is to not have “perfect children,” but to guide them through experiences that allow them to learn so they can feel confident to face the world ahead when they leave the house.
Quote 3: Joseph F. Smith “If you wish your children to be taught in the principles of the gospel, if you wish them to love the truth and understand it, if you wish them to be obedient and united with you, LOVE THEM! You can’t do it any other way! B You can’t do it by unkindness, you cannot do it by driving...You can coax them; you can lead them...but you can’t drive them; they won’t be driven. You can’t force your boys, nor your girls into heaven. You may force them to hell, by using harsh words in the efforts to make them good, when you yourselves are not as good as you should be...You can only correct your children by love, in kindness, by love unfeigned, by persuasion, and reason.”
Center your prayers on asking for opportunities to reintroduce basic gospel concepts to your children with the hope that they will one day remember and respond.
Learn the Language of the Spirit
Sis Beck said, “the most important skill any of us can learn is how to recognize the promptings of the Holy Ghost.”
In today’s world, the gift of discernment is something we and our children need on a daily, no hourly, basis! We must be able to, as Elder Scott said, “DETECT DECEPTION” and view the trends of the world that, however popular, are shallow or dangerous.
One of my favorite talks from a recent general conference was Sis. Durhams’s about teaching our children the language of the spirit. Quote 4: Sis. Durham “How do we as parents increase the spiritual capacity of our little ones? How do we teach them to kick off world ly influences & trust the spirit when we are not with them and they are alone in the deep waters of their lives?” We teach them the language of the spirit.
The best way to learn any new language is in an “immersion program” in which the learner is surrounded by fluent speakers and called upon to speak the language themselves. “The best ‘immersion setting’ for a spiritual education is in the home, where spiritual principles can form the basis for daily living.” Immersing our families in the Spirit will help family members recognize and have lots of experience with the Language of the Spirit and how the Holy Ghost works within us.
Heavenly Father’s Scriptural Parenting Handbook
Suffer them not to contend one with another. Conference: “It takes 2 people to argue & I will never be one of them.”
Individualized parenting: Christ called each person to him, one by one. Alma the Younger and Lehi gave individual counsel to their children before they passed away. Especially as life gets busier for us, it’s so important to carve out time for each child individually. I’ve heard multiple way to do this that are worth sharing:
Parent-child dates
Father’s interviews on fast Sunday
As sister in my old ward, after her kids have gone to bed & the house is quiet, ask HF which child needs you tonight, then go visit that child in his room for a few extra minutes. It may be nothing major, or it may turn into something big that they really needed to discuss with you. You’re sending the message that you’re available.
3. Be the Example: When Alma the Younger gave his last words of advice to his sons- separately...he often used the phrase “I would that ye should...AS I HAVE.” Living what we teach gives spiritual muscle to our words. There’s almost nothing worse, especially to a teenager, than a hypocrite.
4. Self-Confidence vs. Confidence in the Lord: It may seem counter-intuitive, but when we focus on ourselves, we have lower self-esteem. As the scriptures say, “we trusted in our own strength, so we are left in our own strength.” When our world seems to revolve around our children, they become self-centered. When the emphasis is on the child being part of a greater whole- the family, the Church, the community, etc- that is when their “confidence can wax strong in the presence of God.” They are part of a greater whole & must learn that they influence the overall family experience, but it is Christ-centered, not child-centered.
5. Do things the Lord’s Way: Story of Naaman in Kings 5. Elisha told him to wash 7 times in the Jordan River, and he would be healed of leprosy. Naaman questioned Elisha’s judgment, suggesting his own idea instead. Wisely, Naaman’s servants humbled him by saying, “If the prophet had bid thee do some great thing, wouldest thou not have done it? How much rather then, when he saith to thee, ‘Wash, and be clean?’” There are at least 2 powerful lessons in this story: 1) Do it the Lord’s way and 2) often the Lord requires continued effort rather than one great act. Pres. Packer has said referring to the parable of the 5 wise & 5 foolish virgins that “spiritual oil is accumulated drop by drop--and through those small continual efforts, we create a deep well of spiritual strength to rely on when times are tough.
6. Desire qualifies parents for the work. “Now behold, a marvelous work is about to come forth among the children of men (occur in your family). Therefore, O ye (parents) that embark in the service of god (raising children), see that serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before god at the last day” (DC 4:1-7).
Tap Into Heaven’s Power
We are told that when we go to the temple, we are endowed with power from on high. Christ is the source of power in the universe. He allows us to tap into his power when we bind ourselves to him through covenants. In Matthew 11:28-30, he says “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
The pattern here is: 1) Come unto the Savior 2) Take his yoke 3) Learn of Christ 4) Find rest
Grace provides us the divine strength to carry a heavy burden. When we are yoked together with Christ, his grace covers our mistakes and lightens our burdens. These are comforting thoughts for those of us trying our best and coming up short
The people I know who have been through hard times and come out in a good place are those who cleave unto their covenants. When we honor our covenants and live them with precision, HF can prepare the way for us.
Elder Bednar gave a great talk entitled “Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease” in which he talks about examining the load we carry and how sometimes the weight of our load is what gives us the spiritual traction we need to progress.